I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
