I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
