That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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