this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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