My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize