listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
