Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
