I wish my penis had an off switch
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize