My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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