Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
