Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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