And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
