did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
