I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
