Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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