Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
