I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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