either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
