the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
