I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
