This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
