I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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