Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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