thus making me awesome and them whores
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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