Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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