Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
