There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
