would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you had me at cake vodka
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
