I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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