i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I look better un-naked...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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