He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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