My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
