I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
