I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
