just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize