is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
