I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
