Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize