my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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