I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
