lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize