Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
