We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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