My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
