And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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