It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
