Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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