he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
