Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
