Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
