How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
