I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This baby is an asshole
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
