my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
