I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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