hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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