He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We have started to decorate penises.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
