Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
