There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize