So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
