Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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