Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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