Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
