Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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