your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm passing your future prison.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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